Storm of the Minds
by Gingerpaq
Summary: The Doctor is stuck with only his thoughts after "Angels take Mannhatten". It hurts so much, the pain is so much. His minds are battling against each other fighting for control. No major spoilers. Rated K because of self-hurt/hate. Please review


The Doctor sat on the steps in the console room. River had just been dropped off and now he had only his mind.

Oh, the Doctor hated himself. Not only had he let one companion die, he had let two die. Amelia Pond was the first he had seen in this face, but now she was dead. Gone forever, he could never see her again. And Rory. The Boy who waited 2000 years. Dead for the final time. How much wrong had he done to them both, he didn't even want to think about it.

Oh but he did. His stupid analytical mind was at work. Thinking about how it could have been, all the infinite possibilities, all the horrible things that could happen or had already happened. And he was going to hate himself later for thinking of the possibilities. It was an endless battle of self-hate. The analytical mind vs. the emotional mind. Analyze something get emotional hate yourself for it. Analyze the emotional side and your emotional side hates it then your analytical mind hated that too. Falling deeper and deeper into the pit of despair.

He could have saved her, he analyzed but his emotional part got in the way.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" he had yelled at Amy and Rory standing on the end of the building.

Now he was analyzing how his emotional side got in the way. The emotions got angry, he loved her. He would have done anything to her safe. Anything.

Running through the TARDIS, he went to the showers. Hurriedly stripping off clothing as a storm of emotions torn at his face, he got into the first stall. Yanking at the knob, water burst out of the shower head, beating down on the Doctor's skin.

"Cold. Cold. Cold. Cold." He muttered, the freezing water was pouring on him but he would not move.

He felt cold inside. Then Analytical Mind decided to insert a thought, _what if he was just testing his emotions?_ Oh No, Emotional Mind didn't like that. Rage and other black emotions tore at his face again. _What if he was just be mad to test his emotions?_ Analytical mind nagged. The storm of self-hate grew deeper.

"OWW!" The Doctor yelled. "HOT. HOT. HOT. HOT."

He felt the searing heat against his skin as the water rained down on him. It was painful, it hurt but he still stood under the water. The pain calmed his raging minds as he focused on the pain. The dim glow from the lights made him think the water area was a bit red. It didn't matter though, he was finally calmer. The storm had slowed.

But it hurt so much to stand under the water. Scorching, sizzling, searing his skin. It might actually damage it and then he would have to live with it until this face died. He could never face things, he was a runner. Always running, don't stop, don't turn around.

But this time he did turn around. Thrusting himself out of the water, hit the shower head off.

He stood there, water dripping off his body as he inspected the damage. A deep red had formed wherever the water had touched his body. His right side was the worst, almost his whole right chest, arm and leg, were red. He could still feel the heat, beating pain in contrast to the pale untouched skin. He had known that it would still hurt but he had hoped just for once he was wrong.

Reaching into the cupboard, he pulled out a towel and at once regretted it. The towel had been theirs, Amy and Rory's, from the house so the TARDIS would feel less alien. Emotions again threatened to overwhelm him and thoughts started to surface about his reaction. But the pain on his right was still there, burning, a thing to focus on.

That's why he traveled. He was running from his minds. He had the good emotions when he was traveling. They made him happy, joyful, ecstatic, blissful, all of the above. His mind also had thing to work out, problems to solve, things to do, places to see. Traveling had brought new experiences that he had focused on. When he finally couldn't see it anymore, a companion opened his eyes anew, and each companion was different, even if they went to the same place.

He needed a new companion, now more than ever.


End file.
